I presented a workshop to a group of Montessori toddler teachers a few months ago, and one of their topic requests was all about setting boundaries — how to set them, how to know they’re good boundaries, and how to enforce them. Sometimes we fall into the trap of setting boundaries just because it’s the way it’s always been, or it’s how our parents did it, or just because something annoys us. BUT good boundaries will reflect your values and be reasonable and developmentally-appropriate for the age range you’re working with. I created a flowchart the teachers could use to evaluate any boundary they were considering upholding in their classrooms, and I thought it would also be helpful for all of you! This process can be used in a classroom, in a homeschool setting, or even just at home with your kids. Let’s walk through it with an example of a “no throwing” boundary for a classroom of toddlers:

Does this boundary reflect our values?

So that’s the first step to setting and upholding boundaries — first you need to decide what your values are! If you’re in a family setting, sit down together and make a list of values you believe in as a family. If you’re in a classroom/school setting, sit down with your colleagues and decide on a school-wide system of values. A “no throwing” boundary upholds our value of respecting our materials and handling things gently.

If this boundary does not reflect your values, you may want to rethink this boundary.

Is this boundary reasonable & developmentally-appropriate?

It’s important to take into consideration the developmental level of the people you have created this boundary for — you can’t expect a child to be able to do something they simply aren’t developmentally ready to do yet! Toddlers understand words associated with gestures and the term “gentle,” so a “no throwing” boundary is reasonable and developmentally-appropriate.

If this boundary is NOT reasonable & developmentally-appropriate, you may want to rethink this boundary.

Can be this boundary be provided by the prepared environment?

In Montessori spaces, it’s preferable to enforce boundaries through the prepared environment itself, rather than through adult intervention. How can you set up your space to allow the child to meet his needs in an appropriate manner? We can create a throwing work that the toddler can use rather than throwing other materials around the room.

If this boundary cannot be provided by the prepared environment, can this boundary be enforced by the prepared adult?

The adult in the child’s space is responsible for modeling correct actions. The adult can show the toddler how to use the throwing work and redirect him there when he tries to throw other work.

If this boundary cannot be enforced by either the prepared environment OR the prepared adult, you may want to rethink this boundary.

If the boundary meets all of the above qualifications, this is a good boundary for us right now.

REMEMBER that needs, values, and developmental readiness are constantly changing, especially with children.

The Setting Boundaries Flowchart is available as a free printable for my email subscribers only!  To gain access to this and all of my other subscriber-only freebies, get on my email list HERE and I’ll send the link and password right over!

If you are already an email subscriber, yay!  The latest password can be found in the email from me that went out on the first Wednesday of the month.  The password changes each month, so make sure you check the one from this month to get it!  Enter the password HERE.

---